Unpacking Disappointment

At work, I’m excelling in my position but- what if I made the wrong career choice? 

So yes, I have a good position in a great company- but, what about the other talents, skills, and experiences that leads me to wander through life with the tons of questions I currently have regarding my probabilities?  Can I silence these other options and focus on the one that currently pays me?

I’m a naturally inquisitive person who yearns to grow from all my circumstances so I decided it was time to go back to therapy to get a better picture of things. I sat down with a therapist to discuss my life’s questions and the menial answers I gave myself to them- to truly unpack why my expectations couldn’t be quieted with my “successes”.

I have been taught to silence my thoughts and confine my dreams to small arenas where they can play out in controlled environments- aka: I’m a control freak who doesn’t work well with variables I can’t foresee. The anxiety I feel is self-inflicted but also a learned behavior. I am now in a mode where I’m teaching myself to be present and appreciative. Thankful but thoughtful contemplation only from here on out!

The truth of it all is that unless your maternal environment has worked to instill this mentality into you from the onset of puberty, you’re likely allowing your hormones to dictate your life daily like I do.

Biology states that anxiety is a natural reaction occurring to maintain one’s physical stasis- cueing their “fight or flight” instincts. These cues alone state that the endocrine system views our interactions in two purposes: either something beneficial for life, or something harmful to the body.

While the invention of civilization has allowed for more than two conditions of being- these are nuances your hormones will never know or understand, so please allow for medicine and thoughtful intention to aid you and bring balance.

Medicating does not always fall under the formal umbrella of therapy or polypharmacy; plenty of home remedies can be done to feign bouts of anxiety.  Exercise and positive meditative thought coupled with vitamin regimens can do wonders to the psyche, but asking for the help of a professional should be considered paramount and a crucial step down this track. 

Honestly- mental health discussions should no longer be taboo in 2019.  There are a growing number of agencies, online forums, and companies on and off-line aiming to bringing awareness to mental health and to make it a viable option in underprivileged communities. Of those, my favorite being Therapy For Black Girls as it suits my personal demographic to a tee and it helps with locating therapists that are registered on their online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls.

While encouraging others to engage in candid conversations about anxiety and depression is vital- it’s important to note that discussions about mental health will almost certainly consist of “disappointment” as a main topic and reoccurring theme. Navigating the routes to our goals and destinies will include failed attempts and mistakes but, we must learn to maneuver over the speed bumps and avoid the oncoming traffic that our expectations direct us to meander through.

As long as one is true to themselves and their purpose, even with failures and setbacks, the paths they choose will ultimately lead them to satisfaction.

Related Articles

I miss me

I haven’t had much room or access to speak my feelings wholly and honestly lately. It’s led me back here and I’m grateful for that, first of all. And, to be driven to public expression because the usual confidantes are nowhere to be found, just doesn’t feel like a valid enough reason to whine. I’m […]
Read more

The Decision to Let GO

I felt lost and in a mental purgatory... My focus in general was completely shot.
Read more


Every January 1st I’m depressed. It’s not only the day hallmarking the onset of the new year, for me- it’s the date commemorating the day my mother passed away in 1993. I haven’t really addressed my underlying sadness during this season directly but, this upcoming year will be the year that I take ownership of my mental machinations. It’s time to heal.
Read more

One thought on “Unpacking Disappointment

Leave a Reply

Search for:
%d bloggers like this: