For a while I have been in a state of catharsis. I’ve been aching to find and become my authentic self and to just arrive at the destination that life has planned for me. I’m in constant contemplation of my goals and how to devise a plan that best suits the route that makes me feel the proudest of myself. My humility has been in overdrive lately in response. I find myself second-guessing my choices and talents- feeling like my humble approach has gotten me here- yanno, stable, “healthy”, and on my own. Perhaps I may need to change that.
The most passionate depths of my spirit ache to be soothed with meaningful work and thoughtful efforts toward things bigger than just me.
While in deep thought, I often am at a crossroads with how to feel while pursuing these dreams I have. I want to build my momentum in this pursuit by revving myself up daily with powerful mantras and loaded statements full of confidence that I chant to myself in front of a mirror but, I’m not sure I’ve mastered the spiritual balance necessary that doesn’t tap into my egotistical mind when I do so. Is it truly ego that has helped icons and influencers like Jay-Z and Cardi B maneuver in the money moves they make? Was it simply because they KNEW they deserved all their accolades that they then built the skillset needed to accomplish those goals?
The ego can drive a lot of success but it should be used sparingly as it’s one of the most critical facets of greed and a likely vehicle for envy. Many top CEO’s and affluent business-owners attribute the instilling of this false confidence in oneself as a great propellant for salesmanship and attracting investors in one’s dreams so, this could eventually lead to “success”. This is all dependent upon what one’s view of success truly is though. To me, ego can make it appear as if someone is truly manifesting: willing the universe to comply with their desires.
Although this works for some, it’s true that everyone may want to wear the crown but, few can handle the attention it garners. Signs of ego going awry can be seen everywhere from Kanye’s many antics to even Taylor Swift’s “borrowing” of the staging ideas of Beyoncé. It can become front-page news when an inflated ego is in full effect- mostly because the actions caused by it can be outlandish in both good and bad ways. Personally, I’d never want to be seen flailing mentally on a public stage so, I have to discover a tactic to manage building assurance in my talents while maintaining a rational and ethical perspective on life and its meaning.
In a previous post, I mentioned how celebrities and influencers often use ego to attract fans and admirers. If handled without the backing of true confidence, a strong sense of self and community, and the right PR team- a hollow ego will leave you depressed and possibly acting out. You never see Beyonce not taking it all in the stride like a true boss. Egotistical people without the aforementioned traits can swing between highs and lows financially and mentally because by definition, the ego is a shallow reflection of oneself.
Understanding this, I have reached a point where I’m aiming to find true humility. I’m willing myself to search for the stasis between a profound sense of self-confidence and full acknowledgment of my faults and places that need improvement. The balance I’m craving can only be done with a full understanding of what I want to accomplish though. My work now is to pinpoint my focus so I can use my ego as the vehicle to get me to my chosen destination.