That morning in early December 2019 started off well. I managed to eat before leaving my house that day- a huge rarity in my weekly schedule. The trains were delayed but, when aren’t they? I wasn’t stressed. My Bose Bluetooth headphones insulated me from the morning “showtime” performance so I was pleased. A white man who thinks he’s too good to hold on to subway poles landed into me a few times while surfing the route from 125th to 59th but I brushed it off.
I didn’t have to lose my cool- that particular brand of ignorance to my existence was normal from his phenotype. I made it to work just in time to answer the phone for an exec I assist.
“Hi is she there?” Her husband asks hurriedly.
“Good morning! And no she hasn’t arrived yet but should be in any minute.” I reply with the most hospitality my voice can muster before coffee on weekday mornings.
“I need you to look up Dr. BLANK BLANK, DDS and tell me the address right now.” He demands.
“I’m sorry- I don’t have access to her contacts as she doesn’t allow me to- I can leave her a messa-“
“Aren’t you in front of a computer right now? Just google it and tell me the address and quick!”
Mind you. I don’t work for this man. I have never met this man in person. I have never been asked to do favors for the family members of executives before- and if I had, I damn sure had never been addressed so disrespectfully to do something I don’t HAVE to do in my life. I dryly gave this privileged individual the address he asked for and sent him on his way but- something clicked in that moment too.
I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS SHIT!
I am not only over-qualified for this position, I’m held back in this company. I barely enjoy getting paychecks from this place anymore because they’re grossly inadequate to the market salary I deserve. They clearly don’t see my true value here and I’ve given up trying to convince them to do otherwise. To top it all off- coming in to deal with the awkward personalities I wrangle with on a daily basis is completely taxing- I truly do not need the spouses of people I work for feeling control over me at a whim. This role feels more and more ill-fitting as I further trod down this career path.
I’ve been discussing in this blog for months my decision to leave my current role and I trust in my choice more and more daily. It’s the small micro aggressions like I depicted above that have truly worn me down. The scenes where “it’s my job, it’s my job” is repeated to myself under my breath just to excuse some momentary mistreatment. I need to try things on my own route- hopefully things will feel like less of an obligation and more like a dedication to stick with something tailored just for me until it really works for me. I’ve started over before and I can and will do it again. Gotta pursue these here passions, man.